Happy(?) Holidays

Day after Christmas. My first sober Christmas in YEARS. My first Christmas without being able to celebrate with Family due to Covid. This year has been a crazy one for sure. I have to admit, I’m feeling a little down. It’s a very unusual feeling for me this time of year since I LOVE the Christmas holidays. The joy, fun, gratitude, love – all of the “feels” that come with Thanksgiving and Christmas and the “fresh start” of a new year…it is always such a wonderful time. However, this year, I am not feeling it. I have had my moments; seeing my 9 year old still believe in Santa (!), a zoom family gathering, spending time with my sister. But the normal “happiness” I have when I experience this time of year is just not there.

I have time off from work and I am having a hard time justifying it. I work from home, and this time of year it is so dead, I could be on the clock and saving my vacation hours. With Covid, we aren’t out doing anything fun, seeing any friends and family. I have a list projects as long as my arm that I should accomplish and I have very little motivation to do any of them. It just makes me think I am going to sit like a bum, online, playing solitaire, doing nothing…just wasting my time off. I need something to slap me in the face and remind me of the wonderful things around me – the wonderful things I have done and having coming my way.

This blog post feels like me whining to my journal. But, lets be serious, not a lot of people are reading it anyway! I guess what I want to say is, no matter how we are feeling this time of year, 2020 has given us a new perspective on life. I am looking at things as we get closer to 2021 and realizing that I have a heart full of gratitude no matter how ‘low’ I might be feeling about no family time, and no exciting activities during my time off. My heart is full of gratefulness because 2020 has taught me that –

  • I LOVE my family with all of my heart and love every minute I get to spend with them, even if we are just sitting in the same room, not doing anything special.
  • I love hugs!
  • I have a group of fabulous friends who will be there for me whether I see them daily, weekly, monthly or not at all!
  • I can transform myself into something completely different if I truly want it and truly believe. I am sober because of it.
  • Life will continue around us even if we choose not to participate.

2021 is going to start off a lot like 2020 is ending…we still have Covid, we still have world-wide pandemic and, at least in my area, we still have a lockdown on what is open and what we can do. I am kicking myself in the backside and getting myself to focus on the those positives and things I am grateful for. I need to start the new year congratulating myself on what I have accomplished (SOBRIETY!) and some very specific goals for 2021. I am going to shake off these doldrums somehow, and welcome the new year with a fresh perspective. Happy Christmas to all and have a wonderful New Years! See you again in 2021!

Always, Ms.K

2 thoughts on “Happy(?) Holidays

  1. I know what you mean! I have not been feeling it this year either. I’m kind of looking forward to cooking and hanging out with my family on New Year’s Eve, but mostly I’m just ready to get going on 2021 and accomplish some goals!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It seems like you have a tremendous amount going for you Ms. K. ON top of going AF you have a beautiful family who loves you. You are developing new friendships. Every day will be brighter than the last because you believe in yourself. Or you wouldn’t have come this far.


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