Day after Christmas. My first sober Christmas in YEARS. My first Christmas without being able to celebrate with Family due to Covid. This year has been a crazy one for sure. I have to admit, I’m feeling a little down. It’s a very unusual feeling for me this time of year since I LOVE the Christmas holidays. The joy, fun, gratitude, love – all of the “feels” that come with Thanksgiving and Christmas and the “fresh start” of a new year…it is always such a wonderful time. However, this year, I am not feeling it. I have had my moments; seeing my 9 year old still believe in Santa (!), a zoom family gathering, spending time with my sister. But the normal “happiness” I have when I experience this time of year is just not there.
I have time off from work and I am having a hard time justifying it. I work from home, and this time of year it is so dead, I could be on the clock and saving my vacation hours. With Covid, we aren’t out doing anything fun, seeing any friends and family. I have a list projects as long as my arm that I should accomplish and I have very little motivation to do any of them. It just makes me think I am going to sit like a bum, online, playing solitaire, doing nothing…just wasting my time off. I need something to slap me in the face and remind me of the wonderful things around me – the wonderful things I have done and having coming my way.
This blog post feels like me whining to my journal. But, lets be serious, not a lot of people are reading it anyway! I guess what I want to say is, no matter how we are feeling this time of year, 2020 has given us a new perspective on life. I am looking at things as we get closer to 2021 and realizing that I have a heart full of gratitude no matter how ‘low’ I might be feeling about no family time, and no exciting activities during my time off. My heart is full of gratefulness because 2020 has taught me that –
- I LOVE my family with all of my heart and love every minute I get to spend with them, even if we are just sitting in the same room, not doing anything special.
- I love hugs!
- I have a group of fabulous friends who will be there for me whether I see them daily, weekly, monthly or not at all!
- I can transform myself into something completely different if I truly want it and truly believe. I am sober because of it.
- Life will continue around us even if we choose not to participate.
2021 is going to start off a lot like 2020 is ending…we still have Covid, we still have world-wide pandemic and, at least in my area, we still have a lockdown on what is open and what we can do. I am kicking myself in the backside and getting myself to focus on the those positives and things I am grateful for. I need to start the new year congratulating myself on what I have accomplished (SOBRIETY!) and some very specific goals for 2021. I am going to shake off these doldrums somehow, and welcome the new year with a fresh perspective. Happy Christmas to all and have a wonderful New Years! See you again in 2021!