I really loved drinking. It made me feel good. At least in the beginning. I liked pouring a glass of wine and having it in front of me at dinner. I liked grabbing my favorite beer when I got home from work. I enjoyed going to the bar with friends and ordering a shot. There is something “romantic” about having that glass, ‘taking the edge off’, being an “adult”. Just like we are taught as we grow up – drinking alcohol is a very adult thing to do. (No one talks about how we are pouring an addictive poison into our bodies….but more on that later.)
I think I always loved eating even more than drinking. Sweets, junk food, all the fatty stuff I could get my hands on. I fought my weight for most of my life. In 2003, after struggling with my weight for years, I had Gastric bypass surgery. It was great! I lost over 100lbs. It limited me on the food I could put in my body. I felt good and looked better than I had in my life. But about a year later, I started going out and drinking alcohol fairly regularly. I could no longer ply myself with cookies and cheeseburgers, so, I drank booze….it didn’t take up any space in my tiny little stomach, but it sure had all the calories! I began to gain weight and was eventually able to eat normally again. By that time, I was also addicted to booze.
I am happily 114 days sober today, which means I am not having the calorie intake I used to get from all the wine and vodka. What a great feeling! Unfortunately, I have replaced a lot of those calories with sweets from all the sugar cravings. I guess that is pretty common, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. For me, it is just another attempt at filling “the void”. That’s where the hard work comes in.
Now that I quit drinking I need to figure out a plan to get my weight in check, which means I need to get control of the food I am putting into my body. Sounds easier said than done. Most people probably don’t have to think much about it. But anyone that has issues with obesity will tell you, eating isn’t about being hungry – it’s all in your head! Something inside is missing…something emotional is causing me to “need” to eat. The cheeseburgers and pizza and nachos and, of course, the SUGAR!
I am going to start by taking small steps and setting small goals. This week – no take out. It’s going to be harder than it may sound as I have been in “pandemic-mode” which means Doordash and Ubereats at least 3 times per week! Not only am I eating terrible but it’s costing me a fortune!
Hopefully I can make it for at least 5 week days without ordering out. It may seem like a small step, but every step gets me closer to the prize! ~Ms. K